( agnes says that as if she hasn't also equally cared, as if she hadn't made lilith feel looked after or thought about. and considering how little she's ever felt it-- it's noticeable and it means something.
but she doesn't expect it now, not when she's done something so terrible, when she's instead hurt the one that she cares for )
Then perhaps I should leave you, allow you to rest.
( she doesn't mean it to be cruel but-- what else can she do to help? )
[She says it quicker than she means to, her legs curling upward toward her chest. For a moment, Agnes feels like a child again. She feels how she felt when Raymond would take the mortal children into the dining room for dinner, and she would stay separate, away, out of sight. Helpless and alone.]
I can't stand being left alone with my thoughts right now.
( she sighs. lilith knows that if she kills him others will die which-- wouldn't be a problem if it didn't involve someone she'd come to care about.
she's quiet for a moment, thinking and then-- the next words out of her mouth are surprising but she's listened to crowley. as much as she wants to plan she can't leave out the woman in front of her as much as she just wants her safe )
[Though she worries more about her own tendency to isolate herself out of necessity more than Elias' influence. Less afraid of punishment and more afraid of what she could do to others, unintentionally.]
( and though lilith's gaze avoids hers initially she brings it back to her, resting a hand on her arm )
Who-- what we are makes it particularly more difficult. ( to be so powerful and yet be powerless at the same time, to know you could do something but be unable to. it was a terrible pain ) There can be an end to it but it is never a simple nor short road.
[Any kind of end. Even a permanent one. That was, in fact, what she expected to have before she arrived in Duplicity. But she'll leave that thought to herself--she knows it isn't appropriate, and savors the simple solidarity provided by Lilith's touch.]
( and though lilith wasn't saying it specifically it would be something that she'd make certain that agnes was free, that there was an end to her situation )
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but she doesn't expect it now, not when she's done something so terrible, when she's instead hurt the one that she cares for )
Then perhaps I should leave you, allow you to rest.
( she doesn't mean it to be cruel but-- what else can she do to help? )
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[She says it quicker than she means to, her legs curling upward toward her chest. For a moment, Agnes feels like a child again. She feels how she felt when Raymond would take the mortal children into the dining room for dinner, and she would stay separate, away, out of sight. Helpless and alone.]
I can't stand being left alone with my thoughts right now.
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I-- spoke to your Archivist.
( will she ever say his real name? )
About trying to stop him.
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[She's sure that's who Lilith means, but with lots of...happenings, it feels like she should confirm.]
There is no easy answer.
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( there was an answer but none that were easy )
Do you know about the other contracts he's made? How people are linked to him?
( how agnes was. that was the one she cared about )
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[She never actually got quite to the "I'll kill him" subject with Jon.]
I was only ever passingly familiar with The Eye. My encounter with Elias Bouchard here was the first time I'd met him officially.
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she's quiet for a moment, thinking and then-- the next words out of her mouth are surprising but she's listened to crowley. as much as she wants to plan she can't leave out the woman in front of her as much as she just wants her safe )
What do you want to happen?
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[But that's an impulse. It's her nature but it's not her heart. There's fire in the words but they're shallow, and she takes a deep breath.]
...but I don't know, for now, what I would do. I'm torn between pushing back harder and simply letting things be.
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( she won't yet admit that it was herself, the delicate relationship with lucifer but it may still tell agnes why this bothers her so )
But you should keep people around you. Don't let him isolate you.
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[Though she worries more about her own tendency to isolate herself out of necessity more than Elias' influence. Less afraid of punishment and more afraid of what she could do to others, unintentionally.]
It's difficult to feel so powerless.
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( and though lilith's gaze avoids hers initially she brings it back to her, resting a hand on her arm )
Who-- what we are makes it particularly more difficult. ( to be so powerful and yet be powerless at the same time, to know you could do something but be unable to. it was a terrible pain ) There can be an end to it but it is never a simple nor short road.
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[Any kind of end. Even a permanent one. That was, in fact, what she expected to have before she arrived in Duplicity. But she'll leave that thought to herself--she knows it isn't appropriate, and savors the simple solidarity provided by Lilith's touch.]
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( and though lilith wasn't saying it specifically it would be something that she'd make certain that agnes was free, that there was an end to her situation )
Nothing can hold us forever.