( but that's all, though to lilith it's all that she needs to know. she's had her own experience there.
it would also be so easy to leave it there but she doesn't, perhaps can't. adam hadn't deserved what had happened to him because of her and neither did agnes )
[Agnes is quiet for a long moment. One of her hands touches her wrist, which is empty. Ah. It's upsetting, of course, not to have been made aware of the danger she'd been put in. If she'd known, she would've been able to act at her own discretion, take responsibility for what she's done.
But she can't be angry at the clear meaning behind the gift.]
( it would have been easier for agnes to be angry at her. it's what she expects, almost what she wants. it would be easier for agnes to hate her because then-- part of her wants to pull away at not being able to help her, not being able to watch her situation even if she doesn't want to lose the woman. and that was a slow realisation )
Except it was foolish, to not expect him to notice.
( particularly after what had happened to adam. this is also a vague apology because-- she doesn't know how to apologise even if the sentiment is there )
[She doesn't want to put Lilith to work, but, well, it's difficult right now. She's not used to being in pain; is usually well off enough that her flesh knits itself back together without pause. Scars are altogether unheard of.
Agnes takes off her gloves. Her nails have been removed.]
( though she doesn't blink there's an inward breath, a pause before lilith moves herself a little closer, raising her hands. she brings agnes's hands together, cocooning them in her own, careful not to touch where she's injured.
there's a warmth that flows from her hands, soothing the pain that agnes feels, prompting regrowth of her nails. the pain is gone, soreness healed. though her nails won't be fully regrown, that will happen with them, there's enough to make it easier )
There.
( her hands remain around agnes's for a few seconds more before she releases them, lowering them back to her )
[There's a slight look of regret on Agnes' face when Lilith pulls away again, but she looks eased, clearly thankful.]
That's much better, thank you. Many of the other wounds are superficial, and Jon removed the mind-altering effects that I'd been put under. I can handle what remains.
( though she'd let agnes's hands go she doesn't completely pull away, resting her hands close by, close enough for them to touch )
Are you certain?
( there's absolutely a certain part of her that feels guilty, a feeling that lilith doesn't know how to deal with as it isn't something that she's felt often before )
[Her hand coils inward, and she brushes her knuckles lightly against Lilith's fingertips, not consciously thinking of the action itself.]
I don't wish to have anyone put responsibility on themselves for my well-being. You've already given me more hospitality and consideration than I could have ever asked for.
( agnes says that as if she hasn't also equally cared, as if she hadn't made lilith feel looked after or thought about. and considering how little she's ever felt it-- it's noticeable and it means something.
but she doesn't expect it now, not when she's done something so terrible, when she's instead hurt the one that she cares for )
Then perhaps I should leave you, allow you to rest.
( she doesn't mean it to be cruel but-- what else can she do to help? )
[She says it quicker than she means to, her legs curling upward toward her chest. For a moment, Agnes feels like a child again. She feels how she felt when Raymond would take the mortal children into the dining room for dinner, and she would stay separate, away, out of sight. Helpless and alone.]
I can't stand being left alone with my thoughts right now.
( she sighs. lilith knows that if she kills him others will die which-- wouldn't be a problem if it didn't involve someone she'd come to care about.
she's quiet for a moment, thinking and then-- the next words out of her mouth are surprising but she's listened to crowley. as much as she wants to plan she can't leave out the woman in front of her as much as she just wants her safe )
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( but that's all, though to lilith it's all that she needs to know. she's had her own experience there.
it would also be so easy to leave it there but she doesn't, perhaps can't. adam hadn't deserved what had happened to him because of her and neither did agnes )
And perhaps why.
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[She looks up again, confused.]
I'd like to know, please. Elias told me he'd already warned me, but...I don't know what I'd done to go against that warning.
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( that's the important thing, making certain that agnes knows she wasn't at fault )
But I did. With the gift that I'd given you.
( though lilith doesn't reach for her she also doesn't remove her gaze from her )
It was spelled with a protection charm. To hide you from him.
( she could apologise but lilith isn't sorry for her intention, for wanting to protect her )
I thought I replied to this already omg
But she can't be angry at the clear meaning behind the gift.]
It was a lovely thought, Lilith. Thank you.
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Except it was foolish, to not expect him to notice.
( particularly after what had happened to adam. this is also a vague apology because-- she doesn't know how to apologise even if the sentiment is there )
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[She doesn't think she has much of a right to judge. Omniscience isn't either of their areas of expertise. Her eyes close softly.]
This was going to happen eventually, because I don't enjoy being controlled. It's pleasant...to have been thought of.
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( except that was a fact that they both knew, though repeating it didn't hurt )
I'd hoped that perhaps he also looked elsewhere, that you'd have some time-- I didn't expect him to punish you if you were unaware of it.
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[Agnes wrings her hands. Her whole body is sore and needy.]
I'm sorry, do you mind if I lie down?
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Is there anything I can do?
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[Agnes curls onto her side, hugging herself.]
I haven't fed, so my injuries haven't healed. I should be back to normal when I feel well enough to go outside.
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( and honestly it felt like something she should do. she caused these injuries, healing them was right )
My magic can at least affect the body of an avatar.
( she'd learned that from the archivist nevermind their intimacy )
cw: gross fingernail stuff
[She doesn't want to put Lilith to work, but, well, it's difficult right now. She's not used to being in pain; is usually well off enough that her flesh knits itself back together without pause. Scars are altogether unheard of.
Agnes takes off her gloves. Her nails have been removed.]
This, in particular, has been a bother.
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there's a warmth that flows from her hands, soothing the pain that agnes feels, prompting regrowth of her nails. the pain is gone, soreness healed. though her nails won't be fully regrown, that will happen with them, there's enough to make it easier )
There.
( her hands remain around agnes's for a few seconds more before she releases them, lowering them back to her )
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That's much better, thank you. Many of the other wounds are superficial, and Jon removed the mind-altering effects that I'd been put under. I can handle what remains.
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Are you certain?
( there's absolutely a certain part of her that feels guilty, a feeling that lilith doesn't know how to deal with as it isn't something that she's felt often before )
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[Her hand coils inward, and she brushes her knuckles lightly against Lilith's fingertips, not consciously thinking of the action itself.]
I don't wish to have anyone put responsibility on themselves for my well-being. You've already given me more hospitality and consideration than I could have ever asked for.
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but she doesn't expect it now, not when she's done something so terrible, when she's instead hurt the one that she cares for )
Then perhaps I should leave you, allow you to rest.
( she doesn't mean it to be cruel but-- what else can she do to help? )
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[She says it quicker than she means to, her legs curling upward toward her chest. For a moment, Agnes feels like a child again. She feels how she felt when Raymond would take the mortal children into the dining room for dinner, and she would stay separate, away, out of sight. Helpless and alone.]
I can't stand being left alone with my thoughts right now.
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I-- spoke to your Archivist.
( will she ever say his real name? )
About trying to stop him.
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[She's sure that's who Lilith means, but with lots of...happenings, it feels like she should confirm.]
There is no easy answer.
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( there was an answer but none that were easy )
Do you know about the other contracts he's made? How people are linked to him?
( how agnes was. that was the one she cared about )
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[She never actually got quite to the "I'll kill him" subject with Jon.]
I was only ever passingly familiar with The Eye. My encounter with Elias Bouchard here was the first time I'd met him officially.
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she's quiet for a moment, thinking and then-- the next words out of her mouth are surprising but she's listened to crowley. as much as she wants to plan she can't leave out the woman in front of her as much as she just wants her safe )
What do you want to happen?
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[But that's an impulse. It's her nature but it's not her heart. There's fire in the words but they're shallow, and she takes a deep breath.]
...but I don't know, for now, what I would do. I'm torn between pushing back harder and simply letting things be.
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( she won't yet admit that it was herself, the delicate relationship with lucifer but it may still tell agnes why this bothers her so )
But you should keep people around you. Don't let him isolate you.
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